self-partnered.blog

a self-partnered state of mind.

stand alone and look out

Painting for Thanksgiving! Why not? In these days of thankfulness – I’m thankful for my roof over my head. Gonna paint the trim.

Self-Partnered and the Cult of the Couple

Sometimes as self-partnered individuals, it can feel like we are single fish swimming in a sea of couples. Everyone seems to have a wedding ring on. Every song on the radio is a love song. Everywhere you go, almost everyone seems to have another person in tow. From personal experience, it can often feel like self-partnered folks are the largest of all minorities.

Single-Mind Fullness

Everybody is self-partnered when they are in the act of meditating – it is a singularly solo act. In that regard, choosing a self-partnered and solo life is like living in an extended meditation. It becomes a life of more intense mindfulness when you spend great amounts of time alone. Life emerges as a slowContinue reading “Single-Mind Fullness”

Teddy and the Single Button

Teddy still sits silently on my bureau, but now he wears a single button to celebrate a new life dedicated to searching for SINGLE PURPOSE!

self-partnered.blog

a site for the solo traveller who is not looking for a romantic partner Sometimes the center of your world just has to be you! apotheosis.gam Emma Watson cannot be the spokesperson for the self-partnered forever. I mean, look at her! After many many many years, I realized I hadn’t not been in a romanticContinue reading “self-partnered.blog”

Reclaiming Single-Minded

Join a community of single-minded people. It used to be an insult to be called, “single-minded,” but when you are alone you can focus your brain in creative, productive and healthy ways.

What does it mean to be self-partnered?

What does it mean to be self-partnered? I first encountered the term when Emma Watson used it in a 2019 Vogue interview. It perfectly represented me, as a single person not looking for a partner.


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Self-Partnered and the Cult of the Couple

Webster’s Dictionary link  defines a cult as a large group of people religiously following a charismatic leader or devoted to an idea. I would argue that our society, for too long, has adhered almost religiously to the idea that everybody needs to be in a romantic couple in order to be happy. I counter that idea to argue that, more often than not, people are as likely to be unhappy when they are coupled as happy.

Sometimes as self-partnered individuals, it can feel like we are single fish swimming in a sea of couples. Everyone seems to have a wedding ring on. Every song on the radio is a love song. Everywhere you go, almost everyone seems to have another person in tow. From personal experience, it can often feel like self-partnered folks are the largest of all minorities. It doesn’t matter your race or religion, statistics show that you more likely than not to be coupled, (more than 60%, according to CNN report link to article), or hoping to be. Those of us who choose to live alone are definitely in the minority.  Of the 332 million American adults, only 35.4 million (or less than 11 percent of us) consciously choose to live alone, according to the Council on Contemporary Families fact sheet link to article. Those who are making a choice to not be in a couple are under-represented, for sure, and under-appreciated.

It can often feel like you are a single fish in a sea of couples.

The majority of social events that I get invited to are ones in which the majority of the people attending are there as a couple. They may mingle as solos – but it’s always apparently clear who belongs to whom. I was even asked at one of these events recently, “who do you belong to?” I of course answered, “I belong to myself.“ It felt like such a strange response, like you have to declare your relationship status for others to fully understand you and how you might fit on to their social understanding of you. If I have to be the champion of that response, however, and represent the self-partnered minority, then I accept that challenge.

Obviously, there is nothing inherently wrong with being coupled. But just as obviously, there should be nothing wrong with being uncoupled. The only thing, really, that I have against coupling is when one person is unhappy and complaining to their friends, as I was. Once in a while, OK, but when you’re complaining about how unhappy you are, then you have a responsibility to get out and get on with it.

I’m declaring myself as self-partnered right now, it’s primarily because I prefer being alone.  There are some great advantages of living completely alone, with nothing but the thoughts of your own head to demand that you really come to terms with yourself. 

 You do not have to compromise your choices or constantly be in a practice of negotiating your behavior.  Maybe it’s the ultimate act of selfishness, and often sacrifices have to be made to pull it off, but I am here to argue that it is a valid choice to want to simplify living down to the choices of one person – yourself alone. 

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